I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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