the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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