im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
