it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
