Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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