Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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