i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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