he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
