You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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