Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
