Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
