Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
