I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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