I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
