having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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