Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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