She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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