Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
