So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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