I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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