ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
