Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you didnt know i had herpes?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
