So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
