either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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