So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
