He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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