Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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