HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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