I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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