She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
