She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
