I'm gonna have a badass scar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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