i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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