The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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