Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
