I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
false alarm. still invincible.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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