GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
