I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
