Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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