Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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