maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
