Your tits are I can't wait for
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
