I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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