like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
