I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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