She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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