Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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