watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
