You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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