I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
being pregnant is like rehab
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
