All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
