He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
